Jacob’s Gyatt Debuts with Earth-Shaking Jiggle

Yesterday, the world witnessed the arrival of a new gyatt legend: Jacob’s massive posterior, which debuted with a jiggle so powerful it registered as a 3.2 magnitude tremor on the Richter scale. At 9:17 AM EST, Jacob strolled through New York City, his gyatt causing sidewalks to crack, pigeons to take flight, and fans to scream, “Gyatt damn, Jacob!”

Experts are calling it “The Jiggle Heard ‘Round the World,” with seismologists scrambling to recalibrate their instruments. “We’ve never seen a gyatt with this kind of seismic potential,” said Dr. Sanjay Patel, a geologist at Columbia University. “It’s not just impressive—it’s a natural disaster waiting to happen.”

Jacob, a mysterious figure rivaling Jiajun in gyatt fame, issued a statement: “I’m just trying to live my life, but my gyatt has a mind of its own. Pics are coming soon—hold onto your hats!” Social media exploded with #JacobGyatt trending on X, with fans debating whether his jiggle could outshine Jiajun’s. “It’s a gyatt-off for the ages,” one user posted, igniting speculation of an epic showdown.

Stay tuned to the Massive Gyatt Blog for official photos and updates on Jacob’s gyatt, which promises to shake the internet—and the Earth—once more. Follow us at massivegyatt.com/index for the latest gyatt news.